BE LIKE ABU DARDA TOWARDS YOUR WIVES AND FAMILY – Shaykh Salih Aal-Shaykh

Shaykh Ṣāliḥ Āl-Shaykh:

"There are two Umm Ḍarḍas’ – an elder and a younger. The younger of the two was a scholar, and the elder one also had knowledge. The younger was a scholar and an expert in jurisprudence – may Allāh ﷻ have mercy upon her and be pleased with her. [But] How is it that she was an expert in jurisprudence? We want to know the reason behind this. [We know that] She was an expert in jurisprudence, and the wife of a scholar, an expert in jurisprudence who acted upon his knowledge. – She was an expert in jurisprudence, [but] how is it that she was an expert in jurisprudence? Was it that she would go out in search of knowledge from here and there? [If so,] then where was the right of her husband?! The reason behind this had to be due to a scholar’s [Abū Ḍarḍa’s] nurturing of his family. What we notice with regards to many (men), is that when they talk with their family, they do not talk to them about knowledge.

You find that people [outside of his household] benefit from his knowledge, and he possess a lot of knowledge and goodness. However, when he interacts with his family, he [only] interacts with them based upon household affairs, [such as] food, drink, manly needs and other similar things including the coming and going [of the household]. This is not acceptable. The foremost of people whom you should teach and [try to] protect from the hell-fire is your family, and if you do not, then you cannot blame anyone (for the negative outcome) except yourself.

Abū Ḍarḍa’s wife was an expert in jurisprudence, and that could only be due to him educating her and teaching her (how to) understand the religion. Therefore, when you talk with your wives [and family], talk to them about knowledge, talk to them about [knowledge-based] benefits and the lives of the companions. Talk to them about what you have heard from the people of knowledge [the scholars]; for indeed in that is the conveyance of knowledge and propagating it to them. The womenfolk and family members may find it burdensome the first, second or [even] tenth time.

However, when they become accustom to it, their hearts will soften. Just like how you affect others [after explaining] once, twice, or [even] ten times, likewise try to bring about good in your [own] household by speaking once, twice, or [even] ten times. As for the one who comes and goes and his [only] concern is that his family [prepares for him] food, drink and to fulfil his [physical] needs, then this is not appropriate nor befitting, because a person is responsible for his flock; [As the Prophet ﷺ said]: “All of you are shepherds, and all of you are responsible for your flock.”

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